I accept your nomination for the prestigious Mom Of The Year Award

These were taken a while ago but I happened upon them last night. After picking my self off the floor from the fit of hysterical laughter I decided that my sickness MUST be shared with the internet.

I am a mean, mean mom. And this is so funny that if you don't laugh...well, you're not my friend.



"Jamie, you have mud in your hair. Just let me rinse it."

"No, mommy!"

"Ok honey. Walk back up to the sand. I promise I won't throw a huge bucket of ice cold water on you when you are least expecting it."

Oh, yeah. I am laughing.

Speaking of the undervalued skill of making your own entertainment

You can read the story here.

Yes, I am wearing a chest protector (and I needed it), a helmet, knee pads and gloves (which were shredded). And Warren is wearing some bitchin' motocross boots that, in the words of Jimmy, "Make you feel indestructible."

That is Warren in the cargo area of my car, with the scooters, looking maniacal.

I'm in love with this girl

Don't you love it when you find someone who says what you want to say but way better...

"The gentle art of domesticity is the felicitous application of practical skills to the spaces in which we live. It requires a desire to make instead of consume, a triumph of activity over passivity and a return of using our hands and imaginations rather than a reliance on screens and technology. It's part of that wonderful, traditional, often undervalued skill of making our own entertainment."

Other things that make me really happy...

*When I click on spell check and it says, "No misspellings found". Thrills me to pieces.

*The majority of postings on the discusssion board for my class were informed and intelligent. I have come to the conclusion that there is no faster way to find out who the fucking morons are in a room than to bring up immigration. But surprisingly...there were many more people with a brain than there were people without.

*That cartoon down there. My mom sent it to me and it made me laugh a lot. I'm not really sure why...maybe I could relate or something.

*A tiny little beagle puppy relentlessly trying to come home with me. It was so hard not to put him in my car. I can't stop thinking about that damn dog. I need a puppy. Here mom, I'll save you the trouble, "You need a puppy like you need a hole in the head."

Hehehe

Books!!

There is nothing-NOTHING-like a new book. Do you know what makes a new book better? When it comes in a box leaning against your front door when you get home. Heaven. In a cardboard box.

The first one was recommended to me by someone...can't remember who. I cracked it open last night and was instantly thrilled by her explanation of domesticity. She, so eloquently, described the difference between being domestic and the art of domesticity. I loved her right away. Then, today, I had a rare opportunity (thank you Suzanne) to read in the park while my kids played so peacefully with Rebecca. I loved her even more when I read about all the things that just flipped her skirt because they were so lame! She is as easily entertained as I am!

The other one is by Amy Karol. You'll notice her blog, Angry Chicken, in my sidebar. I bought this one because I love her blog so much and I love the idea of easy sewing projects. I sew for the end result, not the process. It's not relaxing to me (sorry mom) but I love to do it because I want the thing that's in my imagination...not the one in the store.

So, I will be taking these lovelies...along with my sketchbook...to the lovely St. Anthony where I will be celebrating my little monkey nephew's 2nd birthday! WOO!

In other news...if DayQuil didn't exist I wouldn't be alive to tell the tale. Love that stuff. I do feel like shit and by this time tomorrow I will be sporting my sexy voice. My mom calls it the "Brenda Vaccaro voice." Sounds awful but, for me, it signals the end of the feeling like shit all day so I'm totally on board.

One more thing...I love The Children's School!
It feels so good to be a part of a progressive early childhood program and to know that even though we are the best of the best we are still working on being better everyday. I feel so lucky to work there and to have my kids there. Sorry..oozing with love for the little things tonight. I have much more to say on this but I will save it for another post.

Happy weekend! Be back Saturday! I cant' wait to see you Jen!!!!

You know you live in Utah when...

"Reading your blog is the highlight of my day. You have to post something every day."
-Jen C
Richfield, UT

10 Things I'm Diggin Right Now

1. I do not live in this town. I love you Jen!

2. DayQuil.

It's a little like crack when your head is all foggy with snot.

3. A trip to WinCo without kids and not in the middle of the night.

4. The TV stand has been hanging out in the living room, anxiously awaiting the return of the TV. Yesterday I broke the news that the television would not be returning and I banished the television stand to storage. In it's place? A big comfy chair that I didn't leave for hours yesterday. I think I just stared at the floor. That was pre-DayQuil.

5. Beer and DayQuil...together in perfect harmony.

6. This bit of beauty. I am doing it!

Oh yeah, that is a skirt and a potato!

I first saw it in this book.

7. Yesterday I gathered all the little pieces of art I have collected and stashed somewhere and today I am going to frame (if they need it) and hang them. I have two pieces by this girl that are begging to hang on a wall.

8. Got this in the mail:

It was an extra goodie that came with this:

The one I ordered isn't pictured here but it says, "Today I will make something lovely"

9. I should finally receive my textbook tomorrow from stupid Amazon. Along with two other books I ordered! Love mail!

10. Fall is in the air!

I do believe it will be a success

Air show in Mountain Home today.
Belly dancers for JuJu at Hyde Park Street Fair tomorrow.
Lots of distraction.
Maybe my weekend won't stretch out endlessly?

The Weekend

After a really busy week I usually look forward to the weekend. It's the time that I can regroup, clean the house a bit, catch up on the laundry. All the domestic stuff that gets pushed to the back burner on the weekdays. That's Friday.

By Saturday afternoon I am ready for it to be Monday again. I have a very low tolerance for staying home all the time and I am generally itching to get out of the house by noon on Saturday.

Therein lies the problem. If it were up to Jimmy he would never leave the house. He can tinker endlessly around the yard or in the garage. He requires no conversation. Sometimes he doesn't even put music on!

So that leaves me on my own in the entertainment department most weekends. I usually find ways to entertain myself, but those weekends that I can't find anything to do....ouch. By Monday morning (which happens to be a day that I don't work) I am mean, cranky, bitchy, just ugly. In all honesty...I will start a fight by Sunday morning.

So here I am on a Friday morning. I should be eagerly anticipating the weekend but as I stare at the calendar on the wall...no birthdays, no camping, no built-in entertainment or ways for me to make Jimmy get out of the house. I wince just thinking about how I will feel in less than 48 hours.

So what will I do? I will look for things to do. I will make a mental list of all the options so when I say, "Lets go do something!" and he says, "Well, what do you want to do?" I will have at least 3 options and I will hope that he will like just one idea. If he doesn't? I will find something that I can do or that the kids and I can do together. If I don't? That's when it gets ugly.

Cross your fingers for me, would ya?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Read this whole thing but specifically the 6th paragraph.
Apparently she doesn't know that there already is such a movie?

And, If you've never checked out dooce.com....hilarious!
A good way to spend a crappy stay-in-your-jammies day? Reading Dooce archives.

Ways To Kill Time

7:55-8:15 Be in a huge hurry so you're not late for work. (20 minutes)

8:30-9:00 Herd 15 pre-schoolers from inside to outside (30 minutes)

11:15-11:45 Herd your own children through the school building (30 minutes)

12:10-12:20 Chat it up with Buffy while helping more pre-schoolers get their lunches out (10 minutes)

6:30-6:45 Give some really good under-dogs on the swings at the park (15 minutes)

9:00-10:00 Be a catty bitch looking at people's MySpace pages while talking to your best friend on the phone (A whole hour!)

2 hours and 45 minutes over a 15 hour period....Auto-Pilot? Distraction? Blankness? Peace? Whatever you call it, it was 2.75 hours when I thought only about what I was doing at that exact moment. The other giant expanses of time? Well, that is a whole other thing.

[Edited: JEEZ! Someone get this lady a Prozac! I think it's time to do the 'Prozac Flickr Collage!']

[Edited again: Make that an 18 hour period. I'm still awake. With no sign of sleep in sight...probably a 20 hour period. Damnit.]

Photos

Today I need...

1. More coffee.
2. A productive way to distract myself.
3. To get my mommy shit together.
4. A time machine.
5. A clear direction.
6. Perhaps some Xanax.
7. No one counting on me.
8. Jen
9. Someone to eat all the stuff that I am going to bake.
10. A hug

Oh Happy Saturday

Cleaning the house is certainly not my favorite thing to do on a Saturday but the end result makes me so happy that I occassionally indulge in a day-long house cleaning binge. I purge too.

Today I woke up at 6 (yep, there are two of those) and after shuffling around waiting for the coffee to wash over my brain...I tore into it.

I didn't get very far before I realized that I didn't have any cleaning supplies! I had taken all my stuff down to the shop on Thursday and never brought them home. Damnit! I was tempted to just quit but I realized that this was the perfect opportunity to do all the random things I've been meaning to do for a while. Some things for years. Also, to me, the most satisfying part of cleaning the house is having everything put away and decluttered. I could still do that.

I was done by 1 and now I am sitting in my super clean uncluttered bedroom. Mmmm....love it!

Side note: I have to sit in my bedroom to use the computer because it's the only room in the house where we can steal the neighbor's internet connection. Bwhahaha

Here it is in all of it's uncluttered, cleared, purged, pictures hung, beds made, glory.

If only it would stay this way.

I also have a ton of pictures to accompany the last several posts. First day of school, pickled eggs, an impromptu camping trip, a happy thing I did with my jewelry, some pics on the boat...I'm think of just doing a flickr collage. Are those annoying?

I'm the best mom ever

Do you know what my kids love to eat? It's so repulsive that I can't even say it without gagging a little. And did you know that I regularly make these disgusting things for them?

Pickled eggs

Yep. Thank their dad for that one.

First Day of School

Yep, it was the first day of school for my little cooties!

Olivia is entering her 2nd year as a 3-4-5. She is one of the big kids now and OMG is she excited! She asked me every day this weekend, "Mom, is tomorrow Tuesday?"
We took the first day of school picture in front of the tree in the front yard and she was all ATTITUDE! She wouldn't smile. It was more like a smirk, complete with hands crammed into the jeans pockets. Such a little sassitude.

Jamie moved into the 3-4's class. She has new teachers and a new classroom. Her BFF from
2-3's, Annie, is in the class also. She was so excited to see Annie but they both acted all shy when they saw each other. It was a really sweet moment.

The good byes were a breeze (knock on wood) and I ran off to teach my own class.

Sidenote: Working 3 days a week in the All Days class at the school. 8:30 to 11:15. YEA!! I have more to say about this but I'll save it for another post.

Jamie, of course, did tons of painting and playing babies with Annie. Olivia's answer to "What did you do today?" was "The same stuff but it seemed shorter."

We had bagel sandwiches for lunch and now we are all a little exhausted.

Back at it again tomorrow!

Happy Birthday to Joe!

Today is my little brother's 26th birthday! I called him and did a very poor rendition of "Happy Birthday!" I am sure that my mom and older brother did the very same thing. Maybe their singing was better....I doubt it.

In honor...here are my 26 favorite things about Joe:

1. He is so freakin' funny. Pee your pants hilarious.

2. He has turned out to be a really fantastic dad. I'm only a little surprised.

3. Joe is the most generous person I know. This says a lot because everyone in my family is generous...to a fault.

4. He regularly gives money/possessions to homeless people. (See #3)

5. He is so freaking charming that despite his numerous run-ins with the law he still manages to convince everyone that it wasn't really his fault.

6. He really does have an uncanny ability to attract the attention of police. You can't help but feel that it really wasn't his fault (a little bit)

7. He makes these really gross eating noises that are strangely endearing.

8. He is so mean to me but would never allow anyone else to be.

9. He never makes fun of me about my nose or T-Rex arms.

10. He can convince my kids to do really scary things and make them feel safe in the process. (Not scary dangerous...just scary for a 4 year old. Well, maybe a little dangerous)

11. One time, he read a book! (hahahaha)

12. He is so protective of his wife and boy. It's so sweet.

13. He builds crazy random things and they work.

14. He gets little boy excited about those things and it's so inspiring.

15. He tells the best stories.

16. He can totally work the white trash into everything he does and he makes it look so cool.

17. "Dude, that Cadillac is so bitchin'. I would just sit there, parked on the street, hang my arm out and smoke a cigarette."

18. When he makes fun of people, it is so hilarious that they end up laughing.

19. He is easily entertained by stupid things...just like me.

20. He can sit around talking for hours about nothing...just like me.

21. Or talk for hours about something serious...not like me at all.

22. He is so conservative and it amazes me that he hangs onto those views despite the constant pressure from me and Warren. He is sooo my parent's child and I love it.

23. Old ladies stare at him. They really stare when he gets a whim and goes all crazy with the hair.

24. #22 and #23...such a contradiction and that makes it all the better.

25. He can convince anyone to give him what he wants. Even me. Especially me. So frustrating but I know that those powers are also used for good and not evil.

AND.....Drumroll......

26. I have to love him. He's my brother.


I love you Joe. Happy Birthday! I hope it was really, really great. I miss you!