It was flawed in that no excited children woke me up way too early, those beautiful girls were not my children and that leisurely stroll was strangely lonely.
I think Sunday embodied my difficult relationship with "joint legal and physical custody".
I am a better Mother today than I ever was when I was a wife/mother/maid/nanny/housekeeper. When I was weighed down by the day in and day out monotony. When I isolated myself from the rest of the world. When every move I made was tinged by the guilt of not financially supporting my family. When my contribution was made to feel like nothing.
Today I have dreams. Goals. Hope. I feel known. Heard. Loved.
Yet...I can barely stand the loss of knowledge. Constant contact. Oversight for every single thing that happens in their precious young lives. I worked so hard to do things right. To help them become successful human beings. To live their childhood so fully and beautifully. And now they spend 5 out of 10 days without me. And I wonder. What do they do? Think? Feel? Are they scared? Do they miss me? Are they happy? Are they learning those life lessons that I so desperately want them to?
I ran across an article that I loved because it made me laugh but somehow explained what I needed to embrace.
Yes it is hard to not know. But in the long run I am setting an example of how a woman should live her life.