Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Someone tell me how it can be done

Changed up the bloggies over there to reflect what I'm actually reading right now. ------>
I know it doesn't matter to y'all but I go to my blog to read blogs.

I have some tidbits that I would like you to know but I can't form them into a coherent blog post because the part of my brain that writes has retired for the day. I, very stupidly, wrote a paper an hour before it was due and therefore fried my brain (and produced an absolute crap essay).

* My babies started school on Monday and they are now in 1st and 2nd grade. I horned in on their first day of school even though it was officially a dad day. There was NO WAY IN HELL that I was going to let that day pass me by. I met them at school, took the required first day of school photos and helped them get settled. I cried a bit too but don't tell because I'm supposed to be a veteran at this.

* Very inconveniently I started school last Monday. Not the teaching kind but the student kind. Yep. Full time student right here. I have no idea what the hell I was thinking but I did it. I don't even have a job! But it's working and I love it. If I could just remember that I'm 30, not 18, that would help with the frying of the brain thing.

*Another very inconvenient thing: I realized that I still have that pesky job of mother. Not only to my beautiful little girlies (hard enough) but to the chickens, the garden and the house. (And Stella, the cat and the goldfish) The problem being that I would much rather be the girl/chicken/garden/house mama than be spending all of my time at school. Don't get me wrong. I am all for a college education but I often sit at school and wonder, "How the hell am I going to turn all of this into the ability to do the job I really want to do?" I don't really want to be a teacher. I don't really want to be a lawyer. I just want to be the person that I am already but be able to make a living doing it!

Suggestions? Hello? Tap, tap.

I know that it is a measly two years (been doing this college thing off and on for a while) of the many years that I have ahead of me but I feel like this beautiful time in my children's lives is slipping away too easily. There are days that I want to go get them from school, take them home, make cookies and begin our lives. The real ones. The ones where we can spend our days outside with the chickens and tomatoes and flowers. Where we can learn what we want to learn and do it in a way that enriches our lives everyday. Where we can spend an entire day sitting around reading, snuggling Stella, eating raspberries and still learn as much as we would have spending all day at school.

(Oh gawd. I'm ranting and sound like a damn hippie. Someone get me some sleep!)

The summary of my life today after a horrible dream, a shitty morning at school and really missing my babies. I think I will take a nap and try again. Optimism is on the horizon!