I really like this quote and I have posted it before so I wanted to drag it up again as a reminder to myself...
I will not die an unlived life
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom
goes on as fruit.
-Dawna Markova
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
I can't win!
I spent half of my morning trying to get just the right amount of cereal and milk in Jamie's bowl. I spent at least 15 minutes getting her the "right" drink of water. Another 15 minutes trying to fix a broken banana just right. Another 10 minutes trying to hold her the right way on the couch. An entire freaking hour trying to figure out what the hell, "I want my blanket way out" means.
I did every single thing wrong over and over again. I have spent nearly 3 hours out of my day trying to reason with a two year old terrorist.
WHAT THE HELL????????????
This is how babies get shaken!
I am so beyond frustrated with her I could actually hurt her right now. Don't worry, I didn't.
I walked away. But what I really wanted to do was beat her.
I am the most frustrated with myself. Since when do you try to reason with a psychotic two year old? Dammit!
I did every single thing wrong over and over again. I have spent nearly 3 hours out of my day trying to reason with a two year old terrorist.
WHAT THE HELL????????????
This is how babies get shaken!
I am so beyond frustrated with her I could actually hurt her right now. Don't worry, I didn't.
I walked away. But what I really wanted to do was beat her.
I am the most frustrated with myself. Since when do you try to reason with a psychotic two year old? Dammit!
Monday, September 10, 2007
2nd week of school and some randomness
1. 8:45 is too damn early to be at school
2. We got a new nephew this weekend! Of course he doesn't have a name yet because that's what Jimmy and his brother do just to be irritating. He was born Saturday at 2:40 while Jimmy and I watched his sisters. We were laughing at our car full of 4 girls and thanking god that we only have 2 kids. I'm not tough enough to handle any more than that for more than a few hours at a time.
3. Olivia is loving school. Her teachers said that she is very engaged and she is doing a great job of getting what she needs from her teachers as far as being new to the school.
4. We had our little class potluck last week and watched a video that The Children's School made the first year that I taught there. It was cool to watch because those kids are 11 and 12 now. I also received my 12 page parent handbook that I have to read and sign that I've read it. Funny!
5. Jamie had that one hard day but since she only has class T-Th, we haven't been back yet. It will be interesting to see how tomorrow goes. I think she'll be fine. I love her teachers. They are both so sweet and nurturing...very, very toddler oriented. I love it. Her little class only has six kids and two teachers so it is a very low-key, quiet class.
6. We went to Art in The Park on Sunday. We just had Jamie since she didn't go to church with my mom. She was feeling a little yucky. She is such a different kid when we are one on one. She was so quiet and just looking at everything.
Art in the Park is one of those things that reminds me that Boise isn't as small as it used to be. It was so crowded but it was kinda cool to see so many people that you know and be reminded that it is still a small town!
7. Did I mention that we have a foster dog? We have my brother's dog, Stella, for a while. He and his fiance are looking for a house to buy so they moved into a tiny little apartment to save rent and we got Stella. She's a great dog. She's so good with the kids, she loves walking and she really loves swimming! I took her for a little walk behind Camel's Back Park yesterday...it was nice to have a walking companion that didn't require a lot of talking. I threw a stick into the pond for her for about an hour and she loved it. I think she would have stayed there to swim all day.
8. That's about it! I'm going to wade through my laundry because tomorrow is my turn for cleaning club!
2. We got a new nephew this weekend! Of course he doesn't have a name yet because that's what Jimmy and his brother do just to be irritating. He was born Saturday at 2:40 while Jimmy and I watched his sisters. We were laughing at our car full of 4 girls and thanking god that we only have 2 kids. I'm not tough enough to handle any more than that for more than a few hours at a time.
3. Olivia is loving school. Her teachers said that she is very engaged and she is doing a great job of getting what she needs from her teachers as far as being new to the school.
4. We had our little class potluck last week and watched a video that The Children's School made the first year that I taught there. It was cool to watch because those kids are 11 and 12 now. I also received my 12 page parent handbook that I have to read and sign that I've read it. Funny!
5. Jamie had that one hard day but since she only has class T-Th, we haven't been back yet. It will be interesting to see how tomorrow goes. I think she'll be fine. I love her teachers. They are both so sweet and nurturing...very, very toddler oriented. I love it. Her little class only has six kids and two teachers so it is a very low-key, quiet class.
6. We went to Art in The Park on Sunday. We just had Jamie since she didn't go to church with my mom. She was feeling a little yucky. She is such a different kid when we are one on one. She was so quiet and just looking at everything.
Art in the Park is one of those things that reminds me that Boise isn't as small as it used to be. It was so crowded but it was kinda cool to see so many people that you know and be reminded that it is still a small town!
7. Did I mention that we have a foster dog? We have my brother's dog, Stella, for a while. He and his fiance are looking for a house to buy so they moved into a tiny little apartment to save rent and we got Stella. She's a great dog. She's so good with the kids, she loves walking and she really loves swimming! I took her for a little walk behind Camel's Back Park yesterday...it was nice to have a walking companion that didn't require a lot of talking. I threw a stick into the pond for her for about an hour and she loved it. I think she would have stayed there to swim all day.
8. That's about it! I'm going to wade through my laundry because tomorrow is my turn for cleaning club!
Thursday, September 6, 2007
One of those sissy parents
Today I became one of those parents that I used to roll my eyes at before I became a parent. You know how everyone is an expert parent when they aren't one? Well I was one of those to the extreme. So judgemental, so absolute in my opinions, black and white, cut and dried. In my eyes there were so many things that parents did that were so stupid. And so obviously stupid that it befuddled me how they ever made it past junior high with their glaring lack of common sense. I can not tell you how many time I said, "I will never do that."
When I became a parent I got my first lesson in "never say never" by my 2nd sleepless night. In a sleep deprived stupor I stumbled from my nicely appointed breastfeeding chair and into my bed, child in arms. There we slept, all three us snuggled together, Olivia in the middle, for an entire year! Olivia never slept in her own bed a single day until Jamie was born 13 months later.
So today I sat in the office of Jamie's school and repeatedly sent the administrative assistant down to check on her while I cried. All because she cried a little when I left.
I have said to hundreds of parents (well maybe not hundreds but dozens) "She will be just fine in five minutes. I will reassure her that you are coming back, she will get engaged in play and she will be just fine. If you need me to (insert serious eye rolling) I will call you in a little while. Go ahead and go to work or whatever it is that you are doing." What I meant was, "Oh my god lady, get a grip, go to work and do not sit in the office and send someone down here to check on her repeatedly."
Well I did it and I can now say that I know why they all did it and now I feel bad for being so judgemental and harsh.
I will have to look back on this post later because I think that even after you become a parent and you realize how different it is, you still sometimes sit in judgement of other's parenting. Sometimes we parents of preschoolers judge parents of teenagers because we have no idea how it is to be one. I promise I'll try to remember!
When I became a parent I got my first lesson in "never say never" by my 2nd sleepless night. In a sleep deprived stupor I stumbled from my nicely appointed breastfeeding chair and into my bed, child in arms. There we slept, all three us snuggled together, Olivia in the middle, for an entire year! Olivia never slept in her own bed a single day until Jamie was born 13 months later.
So today I sat in the office of Jamie's school and repeatedly sent the administrative assistant down to check on her while I cried. All because she cried a little when I left.
I have said to hundreds of parents (well maybe not hundreds but dozens) "She will be just fine in five minutes. I will reassure her that you are coming back, she will get engaged in play and she will be just fine. If you need me to (insert serious eye rolling) I will call you in a little while. Go ahead and go to work or whatever it is that you are doing." What I meant was, "Oh my god lady, get a grip, go to work and do not sit in the office and send someone down here to check on her repeatedly."
Well I did it and I can now say that I know why they all did it and now I feel bad for being so judgemental and harsh.
I will have to look back on this post later because I think that even after you become a parent and you realize how different it is, you still sometimes sit in judgement of other's parenting. Sometimes we parents of preschoolers judge parents of teenagers because we have no idea how it is to be one. I promise I'll try to remember!
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Guess what I did?
I FINALLY went to the store today! Sheesh!
I have to say that I learned something from this experience.
When you think that you have no food in your house, you actually have a lot of food.
I was really shocked when I got through the line and my total was $86 and some change. Granted, I didn't buy any meat because I usually buy it at Costco and I have enough to get by for a couple days. But, I think that a huge factor in the small total was the onset of autumn. Sounds crazy, I know, but hear me out.
I hate cooking in the summer, it's too hot, no one is very hungry and I lose all motivation to move when the temperature reaches 100 degrees for the 976th day in a row. So as a result I buy a lot of convenience foods. Well, when the weather cools off I revive and I get hungry! I also dredge up some cooking motivation and voila! I buy less convenience foods therefore less processing and packaging equals less money!
So, scooch back off the edge of your seat because here is what you have all been waiting for....the after picture!
Yes, I still have the box of wine. Which, by the way, is left over from the 4th of July. Don't ask me why in the hell it is still in my fridge. I guess I'm saving it for an emergency.
Oh and check out my fruit bowl still life. Hee Hee
I have to say that I learned something from this experience.
When you think that you have no food in your house, you actually have a lot of food.
I was really shocked when I got through the line and my total was $86 and some change. Granted, I didn't buy any meat because I usually buy it at Costco and I have enough to get by for a couple days. But, I think that a huge factor in the small total was the onset of autumn. Sounds crazy, I know, but hear me out.
I hate cooking in the summer, it's too hot, no one is very hungry and I lose all motivation to move when the temperature reaches 100 degrees for the 976th day in a row. So as a result I buy a lot of convenience foods. Well, when the weather cools off I revive and I get hungry! I also dredge up some cooking motivation and voila! I buy less convenience foods therefore less processing and packaging equals less money!
So, scooch back off the edge of your seat because here is what you have all been waiting for....the after picture!
Yes, I still have the box of wine. Which, by the way, is left over from the 4th of July. Don't ask me why in the hell it is still in my fridge. I guess I'm saving it for an emergency.
Oh and check out my fruit bowl still life. Hee Hee
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
The First Day of School
The girls started their new school today. Jamie is in the 2-3's class and Olivia is in the 3-4-5's class at The Children's School.
It was a little surreal to be there as a parent. It was the same feeling that I get sometimes when I am in a tough situation with the kids. I feel like a kid pretending to be a grown up. Like I am not old enough, smart enough or grown up enough to really be the parent of these children.
But it was a great day. Both of them separated very well and it seems they really like their new school.
It's too late and I've been up since 6 am (which is seriously early for me) so I don't have the energy for much more. I'll smother ya'll with all the sentimental, "My baby's growin' up" at another time.
For now I'm too tired from really being the parent of these children,
It was a little surreal to be there as a parent. It was the same feeling that I get sometimes when I am in a tough situation with the kids. I feel like a kid pretending to be a grown up. Like I am not old enough, smart enough or grown up enough to really be the parent of these children.
But it was a great day. Both of them separated very well and it seems they really like their new school.
It's too late and I've been up since 6 am (which is seriously early for me) so I don't have the energy for much more. I'll smother ya'll with all the sentimental, "My baby's growin' up" at another time.
For now I'm too tired from really being the parent of these children,
Monday, September 3, 2007
Sunday, September 2, 2007
My husband...
...teaching girls everywhere, the joy of shooting shit in the desert.
This is our friend Amanda and this is her first time.
So, anyone for an outing next Sunday? Jimmy can teach you how to shoot a gun and then you can post a picture of your bad-ass self on your blog!
And if you're really lucky it will be muddy and you can do a little mud-bogging and possibly even get stuck!
Come on...get in touch with your white trash side.
This is our friend Amanda and this is her first time.
So, anyone for an outing next Sunday? Jimmy can teach you how to shoot a gun and then you can post a picture of your bad-ass self on your blog!And if you're really lucky it will be muddy and you can do a little mud-bogging and possibly even get stuck!
Come on...get in touch with your white trash side.
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