I don't know why it happened. The moment I walked in the front door of my house after having dinner with some friends on my birthday I could feel it descending on me. The funk. It happens. It's OK. I don't need medication or psychotherapy. It will last about one more day. I have several theories about why it happened but I know that these conditions exist in my life all the time and are not the reason for the funk they are just exacerbated by the funk. Someday I will figure out the pattern and maybe I will overcome or at least see it coming and I will stock up on chocolate and clean pajamas.
Do other people get the funk? I'm sure they do. This is what my funky condition consists of...
*I hate my husband because I am overworked, underappreciated, he never does nice thoughtful things for me, he thinks of me as his maid/nanny/sex slave and not as a human being with needs, he made me have these kids and quit my job and become a worthless blob of maid/nanny/sex slave. He gets to live out his dream of owning his own business while I mope around in my pajamas as his maid/nanny/sex slave.
* My children are eating animal crackers, marshmallows and easter candy as a snack and I don't care.
* I have sat at the computer reading dooce archives for three hours only getting up to make my kids breakfast, put a movie in the DVD player and pee. (They got the snack on their own)
*I have consumed massive amounts of jelly beans and chocolate
* When my husband asks me what is wrong I won't tell him because I know that I am crazy and the fight that will ensue when I accuse him of all the aforementioned things will possibly result in me calling my dad so I can borrow his truck to pack my shit up and move the hell out of here! Then when my dad tells me to "get a grip and go home" I will feel really stupid because all the things I accused my husband of are totally not true they are just a product of my overactive crazy lady thing I got goin' on here.
* I know I am crazy but that is comforting to me because if I didn't know I was crazy then I wouldn't have the self control to avoid doing crazy things like mentioned above. (One time I didn't know I was crazy and that thing above actually happened except when my dad told me to get a grip and go home I didn't feel stupid I felt enraged and crazier than ever...but I didn't know I was crazy because I was so over the top hormonal and deeply entrenched in postpartum depression)
So...that's about how I am feeling today. Don't worry...my kids aren't being neglected, I will put clean pajamas on before I go to bed tonight and by the time I go to bed Friday night I will be all better. If I'm not....my mom will smack me and then I'll feel better.